Pictures from/of God: more and more He
gives me on my life journey with Him… I say “a picture” each time, I think it’s
more Him revealing glimpses of truth and developing those truths into the full
picture. I am human; I can only take so much *said jokingly* I realize I am
very petty, weak and pathetic. We are all. Don’t ever be arrogant no matter
your age/place in life and say that you aren’t.
I will mention these pictures that
give me insight and further my journey into fighting off my present and past
and into the future as I put together the pieces of this sculpture with God.
The other night, after another
“brain-weary” day as I mentioned in an earlier post, I was praying and thinking
(as they usually go together) about…well everything…point blank. I thought of
my recent growing experiences with God and joked to myself: “Can you keep up
with everything He’s doing?”
I saw the
picture of me and Him on this path of life, my life in this case, with Him. I
always pictured us walking in various pictures (which you will see many
references to in posts) on that journey. At this point, I feel us beginning to
pick up the pace nearly running since I took a personal “plunge” as I called it
about two-and-a-half months ago. So I asked myself: “Can you keep up with
everything He’s doing—now that He’s running with you?”
So I prayed
with that picture in my mind with a smile: “God, I don’t want to slow down, but
please help this child to keep up because I’m not as fast as you.”
And then
God gave me another picture in response a few days later. This one is where we
are not running at all. Indeed, we are still walking and He is holding both my
hands as He leads me, because I have my eyes on Him. I say the same prayer.
“God I don’t want to slow down but please help this child to keep up because I’m
not as fast as you.”
He laughs
at my comment, seeing my feelings of being rushed. He replies with a loving,
bemused smile “We’re not running.”
“What?”
“We’re not
running. We are still walking, and I am leading you as I show you your
capabilities and bring all the gifts I gave you to their fullest, but I am not
rushing you. We are still walking. But if you feel out of breath, rest, my
child. Rest. And breathe. You have to remember to do that and then you won’t
get tired. You’ll realize we are still walking.”
So I
realize what I have felt in the back of my mind for some time is true. I have
felt some shame, I admit, when I rest because I am already at home so much that
I feel I am already resting. But I am not. When there have been those decisions
to sleep a little later, take a nap mid-day, simply do nothing eating and watch
something whatever that might be, I should not feel guilty. Because I might be
at home, but I am not resting the whole time. I am working…working in a way
that I did not consider work as I know it before.
I assumed work was
attending to career duties, whether that be going in for the job, doing
job-related tasks at home, etc… or work would be also work as a outreacher of
God: some ministry work, whatever that might be, some furthering of His
kingdom. And I felt guilty for presently not attending to any of that for a
considerable amount of hours of my week. I felt there was something missing. I
should be looking more for ministries to be involved in. Why could I not find
one? And I didn’t find one I was wasting the time given to me by God. Every
day, every hour blessed to me by God.
And then that progressed to me realizing God had me at a
part of the road that seemed like a stopping point but wasn’t. I acknowledged
and acknowledge that my relationship with Him has never been more thriving and
growing every single day. But I also realized my “free time” was also fine. If
I hadn’t found a ministry or wasn’t filled with students/work every day that
was God’s will. Maybe He had a ministry for me in mind but will not show me
until that time has arrived.
And then
came the realization, when I realized all the things that were emerging on my
heart to pursue, things I wouldn’t call “work” in my terms, were my work. Just because they take
place at home and are unofficial does not mean they are not work. They were a
different sort of work I had never considered.
And so even
though I am at home, that is not “resting.” And the times I felt guilty for
that extra nap or sleeping in or that entire Sunday afternoon after church,
before Bible Study, that instead of “using” I could slept…I then realized God
didn’t and doesn’t grudge me but rather reminds me to do. So I can take those
breaths of relaxation that I thought I was taking with other certain meager
things but wasn’t.
So take breaths of peace in your day. It seems like a simple
concept widely advised. Then make sure to take that advice J
Because you might not be resting when you think you are.
If anything here is this verse:
“It’s useless to rise early and go to bed late, and work [I
put here strive for myself] your worried fingers to the bone. Don’t you know He
enjoys giving rest [real rest] to those He loves?”
Ps. 127:2
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